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Why we’re all inherently selfish (but that doesn’t mean bad news for everyone else)

You don’t bring me flowers (except when it’s 14th February)

Apparently, February is the month of lurve… Personally, I am a real humbug when it comes to Valentines Day. I don’t see why we need a specific date to remind us that we need to tell people how much we love them. Why do we not show this love and affection to our loved ones all the year round? Are they not worthy of this? And if your significant other needs a special date as a reminder to tell you how much they love you, does it not rather take the shine off – because you know they’re only doing it because they’ve had a massive prod from Clinton Cards/supermarket displays/Funky Pigeon.com/Interflora and all other retailers who capitalise on the fact there’s a special day to say ‘ps I love you’.

I like to think I give thought to and make the time to show my appreciation and love to my family and friends all year round (I sound such a goody two shoes and obviously my...

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The three choices you have over the challenges you face

Which camp are you in?

There’s uproar in my village. The new village hall, which is seven years in the making, has had it’s opening date put back yet again. It’s a long, protracted story which I won’t bore you with, needless to say, everyone is feeling rather frustrated that the builder involved is stringing us along.

There are many who feel frustrated and disappointed but who keep their grumbles to themselves, because they know there’s a hardworking committee who’ve been doing their best to get things moving. No one wants to finger point because they themselves wouldn’t want to volunteer for the role, so they therefore feel it’s not their place to criticise.

Unfortunately, not everyone takes this view. There are a group of people in the village who will moan at any given opportunity about the slow progress, how awful the developer is and ‘what on earth are the committee doing to allow this to go on?’.

Three ways to think...

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Five game-changing steps to becoming emotionally resilient

With a little help from my friends

A friend of mine has been missing since 9th January. We don’t know why he left and hasn’t come back home. He is an ex-Royal Marine so whilst we have comfort in knowing he’s trained to be resourceful and can look after himself, the flip side means he knows how to stay off grid. Perhaps he just wants some time away and this might be why we’ve heard nothing from him for over two weeks now. There’s been no phone activity, nor bank cards used. Or, have we not heard from him because he needs help, because mentally he's not in a good place? For our own self-preservation, we are sticking with the former rather than the latter.

I am letting the search for him become all consuming; I am taking the lead with the Facebook charge and feel the need to thank everyone personally who is sharing my posts – and there are 100s who are kindly doing this. The method in my madness - if I thank these people and then need to post another...

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Why your dancing shoes don’t always make you happy

Dancing the Do-si-do

Have you ever noticed that in general, we British are pretty bad at either taking a compliment or at fending off sniping remarks by negative people? We do what the Winning Edge calls the ‘Justification Dance.’ It’s a funny concept really when you think about it, this notion that for some reason it’s necessary for us to justify our success or good points as well as to feel the need to justify our actions and choices, should someone disagree with them, judge them, or maybe have nothing better to do than make a throwaway negative comment.

What’s your favourite move?

There are two types of justification dance: firstly, to avoid the “embarrassment” of success and the feeling your good fortune somehow disadvantages others, we often counter generous remarks from positive people who are recognising and genuinely praising our achievements, by answering in a self-deprecating manner. Whilst this is very humble and noble, your...

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Allowing self-limiting beliefs to take hold is totally on you. But then, so is banishing them. 5 top tips to do just that.

Paperback writer

One of my values is growth so I have put my money where my mouth is and am currently studying for a Diploma in Coaching and Mentoring. It’s pretty hardcore and quite frankly, I underestimated the time I would need to commit to it. In addition to the days in the classroom, there is the reading, sessions with my mentee and coachees, the developmental, reflection and learning notes I’m to keep, let alone the 3,000 word assignments I’m to write during the duration of the course – all seven assignments.

I mistakenly thought that as I write blogs, this wouldn’t be a problem. Writing is writing, surely? Nope. I haven’t written an essay or handed in an assignment for 25 years. Yes, 25 years. Yikes. When I thought of it like that, I really did start to wonder what had I done?!

What you think about isn’t nearly as important as the way you think about what you think about

Isn’t it funny – well no, not really – how...

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Why we are held hostage to the emotions our values create – and how understanding this puts us in a powerful position

Taking matters in to your own hands

There’s an app on the iPhone called Find my iPhone (similar apps on Android phones are available), which helps you to locate and protect your mobile should it be lost or stolen.  I once read in the news about a couple of people who have used this particular app when their mobile was stolen and located their device and then confronted the thief. A ‘don’t try this at home’ warning is issued at this juncture…

In one case, a young woman reported her phone stolen but were told the Police didn’t have the resources to help. So, the victim took it upon herself to locate the phone and persuaded a couple of friends to come with her to get the phone back. They caught up with the perpetrator and realising he was outnumbered, he told the woman to follow him to his flat to get the mobile. Despite feeling unsure about the whole situation, she followed, with her friend as back-up. The second friend sensibly hung back and...

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How to train your brain so you can harness your power and be who you want to be

A goal is a dream with a date on it

I am the greatest was one of Muhammad Ali’s mantras and he believed it and lived it; in fact, he said it before he even knew he was – a wonderful example of how powerful affirmations are and that the facts will eventually catch up! Ali was and still is considered one of the greatest boxers and that was his dream.

Children have big dreams – to be an astronaut, an explorer, to run the country or to save the planet. Sadly, the reality is that for far too many children, these dreams gradually diminish and disappear. This prompts the question – why? Is it the grown-ups telling children to be more realistic – to have more attainable goals? Maybe. When we’re young, for the most part, we listen to those adults around us as they can have so much influence. Maybe we don’t go for those dreams because we put our own obstacles in the way – because we do listen to the naysayers, maybe it’s inertia, perhaps...

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Why your decision-making process isn’t as logical as you might think it is…

"Lies, damned lies, and statistics

As I write this blog, Election Day is looming. Flyers have been dropping through my door like billyoh, with each candidate professing they should be the chosen party for me because of x, y and z. It’s all just a load of ole puff in my opinion and I really don’t know which way to vote.

Having said this, I hold a strong value that I should vote – women fought hard for me to have that right and we are fortunate to live in a democracy where that is possible. And that’s just it isn’t it… All of our choices and decisions stem from our values so whether we decide to vote or not, will be down to the values we hold. The political party we choose to support will be because what they say they will do, will be most closely aligned to our values. We may well feel we’re caught between the devil and the deep blue sea but ultimately, if we are choosing to vote, we need to put that all important ‘x’...

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The excuses we give in life which ultimately mean we can’t be bothered…

‘If you’re not early, you’re late’

Is punctuality a challenge for you? Perhaps you constantly find yourself arriving five or ten minutes late - or maybe more - for meetings, lunch dates, dentist and hair appointments… Your reasons range from not being able to find your car keys or phone, the train was late or the traffic held you up; ‘I didn’t realise the time’, ‘I hit the snooze button too many times’, ‘I didn’t realise I hadn’t set the alarm’, ‘a friend popped round and we got chatting,’ blah blah blah. Reasons? Or just a string of excuses?

My excuses started when I met my husband. Up until this point, I was a stickler for punctuality – my parents were always on time, for everything, so I suppose you could say it was in my nature. Not so it would seem, because once I met my husband, I saw the more attractive laissez faire approach to time-keeping. He never rushed or hurried...

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Why to boldly go where you’ve never gone before, might be challenging but also hugely liberating and exciting!

Eight days a week

I was asked to speak at an event recently and it was a real mixed bag in terms of the age range of the audience; if anything, there were possibly more in the upper end of the age bracket. I was speaking on all things Winning Edge but focusing on living life consciously and in doing so, having a sense of purpose in life.

I’m ashamed to admit that I thought the older members of the audience might have been mildly dismissive when asked to think about the way they think – after all, they perhaps thought that by their age, they had it all sussed. However, the number of them who came up to me afterwards to say how thought-provoking my talk was, was reassuring – we all need reminding sometimes to make the most out of life.

The part of the talk which I think hit home the most was when I asked if they could give me a quick guestimate of how many days there are in the average lifetime (in the Western world, we are told this is approximately 80 years), so it...

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