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Why nothing changes, if nothing changes

May 09, 2022

The buck stops with you

People can easily get bored with a whinger- someone who constantly bemoans the lot they’ve been ‘dealt’ in life and perhaps want to drag down those around them too. Yet constant complaining and self-pity serves no purpose, it can only perpetuate the status quo.

There are of course the instances where life throws a curve ball, when we least expect it. Everything can be ticking along nicely and then bam! Something happens causing a massive jolt that rocks our world, only not in a good way. It could be redundancy, bereavement, or a medical diagnosis- these are circumstances that in my opinion, warrant a period of grace, a time when you need to retreat, take stock and over time assess how you choose to carry on, pulling on your inner strength even though it might not feel like there’s much left, to continue on as the person you want to be.

However, when it’s a case of not liking your job, disliking where you live, you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel fulfilling, or the respect is lacking, maybe friendships which feel too much like there’s take take take rather than support offered, or perhaps family relationships which feel too combative- then do something about it. As the saying goes:

If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.

Don’t live with your anger, frustration, or upset day in and day out- make a change for the better. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Far too often, until you make a consciously chosen positive change in your life, those around you won’t know how to help or maybe they’ve given up trying if you are not willing to first help yourself. Chris Rock put it brilliantly:

“I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself – people like to see that.”

Making the mindset shift

We can all lie in bed at night and ruminate about how we’d like our lives to be, how we’d like to transform things for the better. But are things in fact that bad if you can’t be bothered to take the first step to begin that transformation? Maybe the status quo sits better with you and you’re more emotionally comfortable with the present consequences, than if you challenged your circumstances– had you ever thought of it like that?! Sometimes people are comfortably uncomfortable. It seems a strange concept, but they are comfortable staying with things as they are, because inertia creeps in and it seems like too much effort to make changes. Or fear of change prevents people doing anything. Not knowing whether things will be better, or how it will feel getting used to a new normal, means people will stick with the discomfort in their lives. Is all change good? Not necessarily. But by the same token, is all change bad? No. And if you view change as not a good thing, you won't see the opportunities that might present themselves to you.

Self-image can be a huge factor in whether people create positive change. It’s important to have a self-image that believes you are worthy of a better life or else self-sabotage will bring you right back down to the level of happiness and success you believe you deserve.

If you have an enabling self-belief, then providing you do the work, you stand a good chance of success. If you have a little voice saying: “Not for you”, then you won’t go for it. Your life will never be better than your self-image allows it to be. You can’t sneak past your self-image- you can’t get round it; your self-image will always keep you where it thinks you should be. So, it’s important to create a positive self-image whereby you know you deserve happiness and success.

Simply the best

Here is what too many people do: Settle for...

Whereas what we should do is: Settle for... nothing less than our consciously chosen version of the best.

And it’s what’s best for you, not the best in the world, nor for the Joneses. What’s your consciously chosen version of the best in terms of relationships, friendships, where you live, your job, travel, etc?

The point is to consciously choose what the best thing for you is, not to just end up with it.

Rather than accept life as it is, challenge your comfort zone– it doesn’t have to be a daring change if at the moment, that’s not what you feel comfortable with but at least adopt a mindset whereby you are consciously thinking about the way you think about your challenges. See yourself as a person who is worthy of positive change. Surround yourself with loving and supportive family and friends rather than those too caught up in their own world or who question your decisions and point out your mistakes; love yourself enough to evaluate the here and now and if it’s not what you want, to start thinking about what it is you do want and how you going to go about achieving it.

Personal development is a work in progress, but you at least need to accept the project before anything positive can take place. Begin to help yourself and others will want to support the changes you make.

As Andy Warhol said:

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

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Do you feel your life would benefit from some change, but you're scared to take it on? Is your self-image holding you back from going for the great things in life? Do you want to create a positive self-image?

The Mindset Coaching Membership can help you understand the tools and strategies needed. With Masterclass Teachings + Coaching + Accountability, we will help you to create the future you want. Find out more here.

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